Happy weekend everyone! I hope you all have fun plans, but I also hope you all take some time during your weekend to get some rest too. I’ve had a busy week myself having to run around my city like a mad woman, but thanks to my lovely French press, I survived.
Anyway, let’s continue our conversation on this week’s topic of Friends with Benefits. If you missed the first part of the conversation, click here.
So you have a FWB and you two are really hitting it off in the sheets. Should you start taking things outside of the sheets and actually date this person? This can be a hard question to answer because there are so many variables that you have to consider. However, to keep things simple, I’ll base my answer from a general standpoint.
Generally speaking, I would say NO, do NOT date or pursue a committed relationship with your FWB. Before I elaborate further, I’m going to preface my reasoning with a story. So, I’m going to share with you all an experience I had with a particular FWB of mine. We’ll call him…John.
I met John on an online dating app. He messaged me first and after an hour or so of messaging back and forth, I was impressed that he was engaging with me and was going beyond the boring basic questions (i.e. How are you? What do you do for a living? What do you like to do in your free time? *snooze fest*). I liked that he was actually having a conversation with me. I finally clicked on his profile (I know, I should have done that first) and saw that he was a couple of years younger than me. Now, I usually go for guys that are older than me by at least five years. I find that they are more mature so they’re better at holding conversations, and they have interests that are beyond chasing girls, drinking with their buddies, and posting on Snapchat (Ladies, I know you all have at least one male friend that is like this!). So, when I saw that John was younger than me (according to his profile), I immediately hit the break pedal because I was like, “Oh, hell naw! I ain’t going for no younger dude!” BUT…I did like that he could carry out an intelligent conversation (I have a weakness for the gift of gab) and he wasn’t bad looking. So, I decided to make an exception on my age “rule” this one time and proceed with an open mind. After all, you never know what can happen, right? Well, after a few weeks of constant messaging, John wanted to meet and I agreed. The setting = my place at 10pm. I knew right then what this was going to be and I accepted it; I wanted it. I hadn’t had sex in months and the curiosity of if he was actually going to do the naughty things he sexted me had me a bit excited. Anyway, he comes over; we smash thus, starting our FWB relationship. Weeks turned into months and over the course of our occasional “get-togethers,” I was getting to know John more and more. I could tell that he was really starting to like me and saw me as more than his FWB. I, on the other hand, felt completely different. Sure we had great sexual chemistry, but looking at our lives outside of the bedroom, I knew we wouldn’t be able to work as a couple. At the time, I was working 50-60 hours a week. I’d get home between 8:30-9pm and would go to sleep shortly after because my days started super early. I didn’t have the time or energy to spend to really get to know someone and build a healthy relationship. He was a college student and on top of that was working full-time so he was in the same boat. I remember he would call me at night and I’d fall asleep sometimes because I was so tired, or, I wouldn’t pick up his calls because I was simply done with the world for the day. Going a little further into our lifestyles and interests, this was really where I thought we would not be a good fit for each other. I live a health conscious and artistic, creative lifestyle. I like to take care of myself and on top of that, I have creative passions and hobbies that I like to indulge in. John was the opposite; he ate whatever, never worked out and didn’t really have any hobbies besides clubbing and drinking with his friends (insert my “age rule” here). So besides the bedroom, John and I didn’t really have much in common. He didn’t understand my lifestyle and really didn’t want to make an effort to. I understood his, but I couldn’t accept his. He was intelligent, good looking, had a nice body, was well “hung” and knew how to use it to bring me pleasure so yeah, I didn’t have a problem letting him bang my brains out every now and then, but beyond that? No, thank you.
So you see, although John and I had great sexual chemistry, outside of the bedroom, we weren’t very compatible. I was able to see this and was honest with him about how I felt. He respected that and we carried out our arrangement for about another month before I stopped hearing from him. I wasn’t hurt or offended, I figured that he moved on to some other girl and I was completely okay with that. Shortly after, I saw him post a picture on Instagram of him and another woman. Turns out, she’s his girlfriend…who just so happens to look a lot like me. 😉 LOL.
Unfortunately, good sex blinds many people. Instead of using their actual brain, they “think” solely with their sexual organ. (*Queue part where I stress the importance of self-awareness*) Sexual energy is very powerful and if you don’t have a good grasp of who you are as person, you’re more prone to getting swept up by that sexual energy. Don’t believe me that sexual energy is powerful? Turn on the TV, go on YouTube or any of your social media outlets. I guarantee that you’ll see something that is related to sex. Whether it is a man or a woman wearing something suggestive, a music video with booty cheeks flapping everywhere, or two people all over each other…it’s all a part of sexual energy. Media moguls know that sex sells so that’s why it’s as an outlet to sell whatever it is they are selling. Anyway, my point is, just because the sex is good, doesn’t mean that an actual relationship with your FWB will be. Even if you and your FWB have chemistry in and out of the sheets, I’d still advise against being in a relationship with them. Why? Because your relationship will be centered around sex. Although sex is important in a relationship, it should not be the center, the foundation, the core of your relationship. Also, if your relationship is centered around sex, after a while, even the sex will get boring. Part of the thrill of having a FWB is not knowing when things will fizzle out and accepting that things can fizzle out fast.
So, what’s my conclusion? It’s not a good idea to date your FWB, but if you’re going to, please proceed with caution.
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What are your thoughts? Do you think it’s a good idea to date a FWB? Why or why not? Let me know in the comments!
Join in on the conversation next week where the topic will be online dating.
Is there a topic you’d like to see me discuss? Let me know in the comments or send me an email!
Thanks for reading everyone!
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