Friend with benefits (FWB), the polite, not so in-your-face way of saying fuck buddy. Are they a good idea or not? My perspective? Well, it depends…
A FWB can be a great thing to have if you are looking for something with little to no commitment to satisfy your “needs.” However, like any relationship, make sure communication is open and honest between both (or all…) parties involved. Everyone involved should be on the same page of where the relationship is; that way, things can remain light, sexy, passionate, and fun. A lack of communication or simply not communicating at all can lead to unnecessary (and certainly unattractive) DRAMA. I don’t know about y’all, but I’m deathly allergic to drama. I can sense it from bazillion miles away and I steer clear shortly after I sense it (don’t mess up my vibe!). Needless to say, if you are not a good communicator, I would advise for you to not be involved with a FWB until you are willing to improve on your communication skills. Communication is key because messing with people’s minds and emotions is just straight up rude. As the Internet’s beloved Sweet Brown says, “ain’t nobody got time for that!”
On the other hand, a FWB is not for you if:
You are looking for a stable and steady relationship.
The whole point of a FWB is to have the sexual benefits like a relationship, but with no strings attached. If you’re looking for a whole lot of time to be dedicated to you and just you, a FWB is not your thing, girlfriend.
You get attached every easily.
Again, the whole purpose behind a FWB is to be intimate with a low time, energy, and emotional investment. If you’re the kind of person who likes to really invest yourself in others (especially emotionally), a FWB is not for you, boo.
You do not know the difference between ‘sex’ / ‘infatuation’ / ‘love.’
As stated before, FWB = low emotional investment. If you have a difficult time separating sex from your emotions, or, understanding that sex can be just well…sex, then maybe a FWB is not quite for you. As a woman this can be tough because we do tend to experience emotions with sex, but also know that just because you have sex with somebody it doesn’t mean that you have to have a committed (monogamous) relationship with them. This is where I stress the importance of having strong emotional intelligence. What is emotional intelligence, you say? Per Psychology Today, “emotional intelligence is the ability to identify and manage your own emotions and the emotions of others.” I’ll give my two cents on this another time, but you get the gist.
“So…what’s the verdict, Rachel? Friends with bennies…are they a yes or a no?”
The verdict = IT’S ENTIRELY UP TO YOU. As I’ve mentioned, if you do decide to have a FWB, just keep the communication open and honest. Nobody likes their emotions messed with. Don’t be an asshole, speak up, and wrap it before you tap it.
Now let’s say you do have a FWB, is it okay to progress things further and actually start to date them?
To be continued…..