Dating self help self-development self-improvement

You Attract What You Are, Not What You Want

Every relationship you’ve ever been in starts and ends the same. It’s all roses and daisies in the beginning, but as the relationship progresses things aren’t so great and eventually, things come to an end. You’re always left wishing that things will go differently for you the next time around.

If you find yourself caught in this never-ending cycle, it’s time to stop and check yourself! Here’s the reality, girlfriend. The root of the problem here aren’t the people that you’re dating (although it could be one of the problems…we’ll talk about this another time), it’s within yourself. Now, hold up! Before you get “in ya feelings” and claim that I’m attacking you, hear me out. Know and understand that you don’t necessarily attract the kind of person that you want; you only attract the kind of person that you are. Let me give you an example…

Meet Katie. Katie is in her late thirties. She’s been dating Greg for the past six months. She thought things were going great until Greg broke up with her over dinner last night (*gasp*). Greg revealed to her that he’s been dating another woman behind her back (in other words, cheating) and is more in to her than Katie. Here’s something else you should know about Katie. Her past three boyfriends have cheated on her as well.

So…Katie keeps attracting cheaters. Does this mean that Katie is a cheater herself? No, but it means several other things. Here are some possibilities of what those things may be…

  • Katie has low self-esteem. She belittles her own personal worth and value; settling for things that she shouldn’t be, has a hard time accepting compliments, and tends to think that anything she does isn’t “good enough.”
  • Katie is allowing herself to be “used.” She’s exerting a lot of energy, going out of her way taking care of other people, but not doing anything for herself.
  • Katie isn’t sure of what she wants out of a relationship or in a significant other. She’s allowing her emotions to cloud her sense of judgment. She attaches herself to someone the moment they make her feel special, ruling out all other potential candidates.

Right now you’re probably thinking, “So Rachel, what do I do about this? How do I start attracting what I want?” Simple. Start with yourself! Stop distracting yourself with the chase and start focusing on the things within yourself that you can and/or would like to improve on. You want to educate yourself more? Great! Do that! Pick up a book or take a class on whatever it is that you’ve always wanted to learn more about. You want to learn to love yourself more? Finally! Excellent! Start by accepting yourself for who you are, flaws and all. Also, it wouldn’t hurt to read this great book by Brene Brown (The Gifts of Imperfection). You want to lose weight? Awesome. Hit the gym and go easy on the junk food; ice cream as a bandage too many times a week is not nice to the waistline. Anyway, you get the point. Take care of yourself. Strive to be a better you for no one other than yourself. The end result? You’ll feel more comfortable in your own skin, be more at peace, and have a more positive outlook on life. Before you know it, you’ll start attracting the person (or people ;-] ) that you’ve always wanted.

Always remember that you’re doing this for yourself. The moment you no longer feel in sync with yourself, you’re not where you should or need to be. Stop and take some time to re-ground and get back in touch with yourself. Be to true to yourself, be kind to yourself, and love yourself and the universe will send you someone who does the same for themselves and for you.



6 thoughts on “You Attract What You Are, Not What You Want”

  1. So much truth in this- great post! It’s not always the case, but in most situations, I agree that people do end up attracting who they are and not what they want. It’s important for us to focus on making ourselves better people rather than trying to attract ‘better’ people

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